— (via ttenderly)
It’s sad knowing how heartless I am. I don’t mean that over dramatically, even though most of the time I’m being melodramatic. This time, unfortunately, I think that’s the only word to describe me. Heartless. heartless. Funny word, really. To be without a heart, or in this case, without love or compassion.
I like to describe myself as the unattractive girl with the mind of a “hottie”. Sounds a tad bit superficial, and when I say it, most people usually laugh. But its the raw truth. I love the chase. I love when one guy, which is rare to find for me may I might add, actually tries to be with me. And by be with me, I mean a relationship, which again, is a rare occurrence.
I am heartless, even though I have no reason to be. We risked everything to be with each other. You risked everything to be with me.Why can’t I be happy and satisfied with everything you do and have done for me? In my mind I completely believe that the bad outweighs the good, but I also honestly believe that an unbiased position would think that we are perfectly compatible matches. I have a decent size track record of mental instability, that is something I can’t hide, but I feel that this uncertainty is solely due to the fact that I’m not practiced in this sport of love. I am young, but I should know how to be with someone, but I don’t. I am naive and I need to be taught. This is also something I need to learn from experience, which I don’t have. I mean I guess I have a bit now because of you.
You taught me how to love and how to accept what I can’t change. Therefore, you will, no matter what happens between us, always have my love. Whatever my love actually means or consists of, I hope it is something to you. I can’t give you commitment, but I know one day I can. I can’t even begin to apologize for all the hurt I have done, but all I can say now is that I am undoubtedly sorry for all I have done, and I will always love you.